There will always be two sides of being an adoptee and going back to the country we were born in.
I think most people no matter if you prepared or not will have a shock and it will be difficult to express in words, because no matter how many who listen, not a single one will really understand what you are going through.
Sometimes it can even be better to shut up than to speak... The confusion is already big, lets not make it into a never ending mess.
The thing is that we all have Korean (asian) features, but inside we are foreigners. We feel like a foreigner inside, but we do look like the people in Korea. Korean people also, quite quick, recognize we are not really like them – our gestures, the way we
walk, and talk are different, also the fact that we, or at least most of us, are unable to speak Korean - which will remain as the big question mark to them.
In a way, overseas adoption is something disturbing to the Korean people, it's a shame for the country - that's how they have been told and that's what they believe. At the same time, Korean people are really proud of adoptees who succeed!! If you belong to one of them, they will treat you like you are one of them, you will go from being a foreigner to a "first Korean". It’s paradoxical and frustrating, but there is no other way to explain it.
I guess this is also a reason why many adoptees now speak up and are against adoptions.
Even though there are negative aspects, I'm still very happy I was adopted by my parents. They are the source for my strength and they have followed me through every step, also when being alone I always know they are there, otherwise just a phone call away.
If you go back to Korea or any other country from where you were adopted....Don't expect too much and do not build up a perfect picture in your head.
It's like reading a book then watching the movie, it will never be what you imagined, so instead of getting disappointed, try to see it as an experience. And after that very first experience you can keep on building if you want to, or let it go if you feel it's not really you. Sometimes it can take years before you do anything about it after your first visit. That is how it was for me...still that doesn't mean it has to be for others.
NONE can tell you how to feel, what to do, or how to be! Adoptee or just human being, choose the path you believe is the right one for you. You might have to walk on the wrong on a few times before you find the right one. It might be confusing and frustrating and you might even question why you are alive.
But you are alive, you are here, you have the chance to build your own future no matter what. Do not let others limit you.
Reach for the stars, but do not expect it to happen over night. All the good things in life takes time to create, and that's why we appreciate it so much when we finally get it.
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