Blind and high on painkillers

I måndags opererades jag för 3e gången och förhoppningsvis min sista.
Denna gång opererade de mitt friska öga.. don't ask why!
Men i alla fall, kom in tidigt till sjukhuset o kom in i ett rum som jag fick dela med 3 andra personer, två män o en äldre dam. Måste säga att det kändes märkligt, normalt brukar man serparera män o kvinnor på sjukhus, men antar att även ekonomiska krisen har satt sina spår där med.
Satte på mig VÄRLDENS fulaste sjukhuskläder..inkl. strumpor! Seriöst vart var kameran..!?
Aldrig känt mig fulare..haha

Well well.. sen fick jag ligga på en liten säng och sjuksköterskor sprang fram o tillbax och ställde en massa frågor, lovar de tog ALDRIG slut.
Vid halv 10 tiden körde de upp mig till en annan våning, och en sköterska satte drop i armen på mig och jag trodde att jag skulle DÖ!
Sist en människa satte en nål i mitt armveck så tryckte hon fel typ 2-3 gånger och sen dess hatar jag när folk rör mina armveck, tror tom att jag slagit folk som hållt mig där förlänge!
Men denna sköterska kunde sitt jobb och satte nålen mitt i prick så att säga.
Det enda som var jobbigt var att jag blev akut kissnödig och frågan ställdes i mitt huvud, Ska jag trycka på den röda larmknappen och fråga om det är okej att gå på toa, eller ska jag vänta.
Men med tanke på att jag inte kommer vara pigg efter operationen så tryckte jag in den, det skulle vara pinsamt om jag kissade på mig under uppvaket liksom.
Så sköterskan kom in och frågade vad som var fel... Fick gå på toa men fick släpa med mig drop och slangar..

Efter ett tag kom en annan sköterska och hämtade mig, eller snarare rullade iväg mig och min säng in i operationssalen.
Där fick jag byta säng till "operationsbordet" sedan satte narkossköterskan fast EKG och andra saker på kroppen.. tog blodtryck och div.
Sedan kom resten av teamet in och hälsade, efteråt satte de in sömnmedlet i en av slangarna + att jag fick andas in gas, och somnade.
Efter någon timme slog jag upp ögonen som en raket och undrade vart jag var...
UPPVAKET.
Men inte nog med att vakna.. jag kände att jag hade en slang i näsan också som jag inte hade en aning om vad det var för slags slang.
Hostade till och en sköterska poppade upp framför mitt ansikte, kan nämna att jag knappt såg något just då.

Ännu en gång fick jag en massa frågor men jag var inte så pigg på att svara utan stängde bara ögonen. Och sa att jag var trött.
Efter någon timme så tog de bort slangen ur näsan och skjussade ner mig till rummet som jag hade checkat in i under morgonen, där fanns också mamma, som kommit från jobbet.
Kan säga att jag var borta och bara stängde ögonen igen och somnade.
Efter någon timme blev jag väckt igen, denna gång för att äta. Tog en tugga sen trodde jag att jag skulle spy och la mig ner igen o sa till dem att inte väcka mig förrän jag vaknade själv.
En timme till gick tills mamma puttade på mig och sa att jag inte kunde sova utan var tvungen att vakna, hade velat slå till henne men hade inga krafter.. så det var lika bra att lyda mamma.
Åt upp mackan och drack ett glas juice, gick på toa.. och försökte att öppna mitt ny opererade öga, vilket inte var lätt. En sköterska kom in och tvättade rent ögat som var fylld av torkat blod och annat kladd.

Vid 3 tiden kunde vi checka ut och gå hem. Dock fick vi vänta 30 min på en taxi.
När vi satt där nere höll jag på att spy, så fick lägga mig ner på en soffa medan vi väntade.
Väl hemma sa jag hej till pappa som var hemma.. och sedan gick jag och la mig och vaknade efter några timmar, dvs när värktabletterna slutat verka!
Fick juice och nya sedan kom pappa in med lite mat.. inte hungrig men tvungen att äta.
Dagen slutade med mer sömn.

Första dagarna hemma har bara bestått av sömn, varit halvt blind och käkat en massa värktabletter.
Mitt öga är helt rött (dvs det som ska vara vitt)..
Jag liknar de läskiga figurerna i skräckfilmer! Mamma och pappa har sagt att de inte orkar kolla på mig allt för länge bara för att jag är så röd.
Det kliar och rinner och jag får inte röra ögat, då blir det 1 miljon gånger värre...

Idag gick jag utanför dörren för första gången och det höll på att bli den sista också.
Trots att jag tejpade ögat och kollade noga kom en fartdåre och försökte köra ihjäl mig!!
Kan säga att JAG GICK MOT GRÖNT!!!!! och bilen, Ja har ingen aning.. men jag kan oxå säga att jag väntade innan jag började gå, kollade åt vänster och höger..innan jag satte foten i gatan.


Är trött på att vara ensam hemma och är sjukt uttråkad.. är dock glad att jag kan se mer och mer för varje dag.
OCH imorn kommer Lisan o Sally över på "lunch" + vi ska se på film...



Dagens humör: Uttråkad och blind
Dagens meny: Juice + värktabletter
Dagens låt: 지선(JiSun) - 어떡하죠(Ottokhajyo)

Half the week is gone already

Yesterday I cut off my hair..
I can say.. I have never had this short before, but know what!?
I LOVE IT!
I thought my parents was going to freak when they saw me (they like me with longer hair)
but to my surprise they like it too!!

After lunch I met up with Liz and she tried to help me out with my maths problem, it didnt work that well..
then at class in the evening I asked my teacher, and he helped me out..!! :)
Exam on Saturday.. gaaah.. I'm gonna fail!! (_ _)
After class, I came home, ate miso soup, my new dinner..and breakfast.
miso soup and an egg (cooked or fried)

Today I went to the hospital and talked to some doctors and walked around... so I will know where to go on monday and what will happen to me.
Yepp.. Sugery on monday.. it's gonna hurt (_ _) and I'm scared already, plz someone save me!
Next week I'll probably spend most time in bed, resting and doing N O T H I N G !!

Studdied for the rest of the day~~ give me a break!?
and hmm.. listened to SuJu's new song "Sorry Sorry".. I hate it so much.. is this a comeback song??
I don't think so.. it's rather a turn-off song!!

Tomorrow I start my new job.. hope it will be fun and interesting! (^__^)



Today's mood: Scared
Today's food: Miso soup and egg
Today's song: Kate Voegele - It's only life

A dream come true..

You know when you see something, something that you really want but inside you do know you won't be able to buy it.
Whenever you come across the store you look inside and wish that someday you will be able to buy it, still that day is FARaway.

I have to say.. this day.. the day when I could afford my dream came true!
It might sound stupied but for me.. it's the first time I have ever been this happy over a piece of clothing.
Today I went to Naturkompaniet with my dad and bougth a Fjällräven jacket (Swedish brand).
It cost 2000 sek (around 220 USD). To be honest it is the most expensive jacket I ever bought in my life.. with MY own money.

And why was I able to do so?? well.. I got a NICE paycheck this month from my various part-time jobs.

After my purchase me, dad and mum went to a Korean restaurant and had dinner, I paid.
My time to pay back what my parents done for me...
Mum and dad thought I spent a fortune in one day but they were happy that their daughter wanted to buy them dinner~~
I was happy too~ nice company and great food.


Today's mood: Sleepy and HAPPY
Today's song: Σάκης Ρουβάς(Sakis Rouvas) - Σ'έχω Ερωτευθεί (S'eho Erotefthi)
Today's food: Bibimbap + Kakdugi

Wow~~

As I said or wrote last time..
I got a job at EA (Electronic Arts) and today I got an email from my future boss, Manne, and he told me to clear my schedule and have April 6-9 avaliable!!

And why??

Well... we are going on a business trip to ENGLAND, to a small town 20 min from London!!
Guess how excited I am.. I mean I haven't been in England since 2007 so this is MAJOR.. since I have wanted to go back but no time or money..!
+ I havent even started working there yet and already I'm off on a buisness trip!!
How coool is that!!

It seems like my luck is turning onto the good side!! which I'm happy about..
but it also makes me wonder why...?!


Today's mood: Cheerful
Today's song: 김현중(Kim Hyun Joong) - 내 머리가 나빠서

YEEEEEEEEEES, I GOT IT!!

Last Wednesday when I was on my way to class I got a phonecall from Jonas (my boss)..
He told me I got the job at Electronic Arts aka. EA(games), you know the company that produces all various kinds of videogames, such as Fifa, The sims etc~~

I went on interviews at EA twice, within a week, However I didn't think I'd get it, since there were many who applied!!
At the second interview I had to do two tests too..
1. Speak in Danish
2. solve problems by using Microsoft office Excel.
Not so difficult just that I have been used to the Swedish Excel and not English + I have forgotten quite alot since I don't use Excel everyday~

Anyhow.. they chosed me! (^___^)

*YATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*
*I MADE IT*

The department I'm gonna work for is a brand new department..
They are going to merge all Nordic countries together and have Stockholm as they head office..
My job is supposed to have contact with the other Nordic countries - Denmark, Norway, Finland.. and probably Iceland and Germany. And also with resellers and various warehouses~
About stock, new products... etc.

The great thing about this job is the paycheck.. I mean.. I can't lie that I'm not happy about that too.. lol
I didn't know how much I'd get until I got the job... but when Jonas told me, my mouth went all wide open (However ONLY in my mind.. lol)

March 11 is the day I begin.. and until then I'll work with various things.. + study..

Let the countdown begin...


A special THANK YOU to JiSeon unni for praying for me!
and the support, good luck wishes, congratulations from Lisan, Tipeu, Sally, mum, dad, Mickey, Heejung unni, Nancy, Sohyun, Hearan, Sayuri unni etc~


Today's mood: Total happiness
Today's food: Lingonberry mousse + Dark chocolate cake from IKEA (^__^;)
Today's song: YUI - CH.E.RRY

Jag tror att jag fått ett jobb!!

Igår var jag riktigt seg och på väg till kvällskursen ringde en kille från Academic work som sa att EA (Electronic Arts) - de som för data/tvspel ville erbjuda mig jobbet jag sökt~~

*JIPPI* tror jag ^__^ har velat ha ett jobb ett bra tag nu och det här är ett heltidsjobb så det ska nog bli bra.
Ska till Academic imorn eftermiddag och prata med dem...



Ser ut som att mitt olycka vänder!
Bara det med operationen dock, måste prata med dem om det... hoppas det är okej.
Ja menar..jag måste ha den operationen...



Just nu sitter jag på mitt "andra jobb" och fryser..jag fattar inget? jag har skruvat upp värmen men INGET händer... det känns som att sitta i en IGLOO!!
Dessutom går inte jobbet som jag vill... dvs människorna svarar inte...
Och man undrar vad de får betalt för..!?
Snart är det dags för lunch... dagens meny ärtsoppa och pannkakor..haha ^__^
Det har jag inte ätit ärtsoppa på, ehm.. 10 år?! eller något sånt, ska bli kul att testa ^__^



I eftermiddag, efter jobbet ska jag förmodligen träffa Hearan som jag inte sett på 3 veckor, pga jag haft jobb osv och inte haft tid att träffas~~ så det ser jag fram emot!


Och imorn.. ska jag träffa Sally och Lisan... (^__^)


Today's mood: Snoozy
Today's food: Ärtsoppa och pannkakor (så svenskt det kan bli en torsdag)
Today's song: Arashi - Happiness

Stressed?

I woke up this morning with a HUGE pimple on my chin..
Gaah LIFE sucks, and strange enough I don't where it came from, I mean I haven't eaten any weird food or anything so it's a surprise..and I don't know what to do with it..
But well.. it's a new friend!
My new STRESS friend!!



Got to work early and I have to say it is so boring, I feel like I'm gonna D I E ! !
I mean of course I get a nice paycheck when my work is done, however it doesnt really give me a challenge which makes it all boring and..well..not so much fun.



Today I sent off my order to 희정언니(HeeJung unni), my clothes, earmuffs and muffles~
my wallet will be emty but it's fine.. at least I will get something nice back (^^)
Next paycheck = order Fly to the sky's album and Arashi calendar, I have the FTTS cd on my computer but the cd is so great that I want to buy it...!!


I also got an email from さゆり언니(Sayuri unni), she got the b-day gift I sent her.. (^__^) I hope she'll like it! She even sent a photo of her holding the package..so cute!!!
언니~ 난 널 보고 싶어~~~~~~ (T0T)


Tomorrow I have to go back to EA for a second job interview... I do hope I get it.. would really need the money, but I want it to start NOW...so WISH me Good Luck! (^0^)
+ tomorrow afternoon = WORK.. and a bigger paycheck..haha
maybe not so much larger, but a bit..!
Soon I will also have my surgery and I won't be able to work for 1-2 weeks, then if I get the scholarship..I'll be out of here...and be re-united with my Tipeu unni (^__^)
What do we aim for this summer... SM audition (^__^) + we added SoHyun to our new group..so it's "TipeuAroooSH" ~~lol



Today's mood: On the joke side
Today's song: 소녀시대(So nyeo shi dae - SNSD - Girls generation) - Gee
Today's food: dry fish~
Today's highlight: 꽃보다 남자(Boys over flowers) Episode 13 (season 2)!!

Sleep..Sleep...

Hah.. You wish.. or maybe.. I wish!
I need more sleep~~
This week I have been working part-time here and there..and done other things such as studying..and well.. I don't really sleep well either.. I don't know why, and well I guess that's why I feel like I need more time, Is it possible to extend the day with a few extra hours!?

Well, this "weekend" started off at Lisans house.. making a big "pancake cake" (^__^) and making/folding stars.. yepp you heard it right..!!
((What comes into my mind is 김현중(Kim Hyun Joong) saying: "my name is star" [나는 별이야]))
Me, sally and Lisan sat in her kitchen until 11.30, that will say until my parents came and gave me and Sally a ride home (^^)
Tired after woking the whole day at "Swedish tourist organisation" I fell a sleep when I came home~

Saturday = Valentines day.. depressing or!? (^__^;)
On my way into city with mum, I got a call from Fredrick영웅오빠..whom I had totally forgotten about!
We were supposed to meet up but since he didnt call me during the week I made other plans.. ^^ anyway..we'll meet in April instead~~
Me and mum havent really done much together since I came back from Korea, so we decided to go to the movies and watch "Australia"
Evening = family night home.. nice and quiet~~
and listening to 플라이 투 더 스카이(Fly to the sky)'s new album.. it is a totally LOVE!!!! I love all songs on the album!! never done that before with any album in my life..I think!?

Today was another "work" day.. On a Sunday? Yes..!! Didn't really have a choice either.. just better get it done..
I also watched the latest ep. of 우리 결혼했어요(We got married), and the parody of 꽃보다 남자(BoysOverFlowers)..haha.. it was so much fun to watch!!
and I talked to my Tipeu.. I miss ya! and if I come.. you better share bed.. what's up with your selfishness (^__^;)
I also got an email from 희정언니(Heejung unni) regarding order cloths, earmuffs etc.. will answer her on Tuesday.. or so..
and..hmm.. I need to order some stuff from Kyobo...Tipeu..give me your address!!


Today's mood: in need of coffee mood
Today's food: Pancake cake
Today's music: Fly to the sky - Vol.8 Decenium - 눈물아 미안해, Close to you, 술, 줄겨찿기, 사랑이겠지, Good girl, Song for you, 가버려 너, 온음표, 마지막 기도~~

Will I overcome my fear!?

The searching job thing..is HARD!!
Please help me out, Please give me a fulltime job!! I want to decide when to go to Korea, probably in May..but now, it is a bit unsure~~

You see~~

Today my doctor called, and I found out that I will have a surgery in March.
It's scary.. it will be my third time. (third time is a charm..right?)
However I'm scared already, All the fear I had last time (when I was 9 years old), it all came back! And when I was 9 yrs all the fear from when I was 3 yrs old came back.. so I guess..now I feel fear from both times!
However I need to have this surgery, but I'll probably cry all the time.. even just before they will drug me I'll probably cry like a baby!
This sugery, it is for my own good, and I have decided to get it myself since it will help me in the future by having it, (all that kind of crap I do know~)
Seriously I don't know how to express myself.. because the fear and pain just grows~
....

Someone...help me!!!!!!!
m(_ _;)m

Why wasn't I born with healthy eyes?!


Today's mood: Empty
Today's song: 嵐(Arashi) - Beautiful days

On my own~

This weekend I sort of spent with myself..
Didn't do anything special just relaxed, cooked food for my parents and watched a drama~

I guess I have been working too much and not sleeping as much~
You can see the bad combination!
So I guess I got a me-weekend!!


Back to the drama I finished watching:
마지막 춤은 나와 함께 (Majimak chumeun nawa hamkke) - Save the last dance for me!
I have wanted to see this drama for years but never had the chance.
But thanks to Tiffy now I have been able 2!
I have to say that the sub SUCKED!!
but on the other hand it was great to see JiSung once again!! he is smoking~ (^__^;)
The themesong is also one of my reasons for watching! It really gets you in the mood~
It's a wonderful drama..!!



Korean Version


English version

Today's mood: Gloomy
Today's food: Kimchi Jjigae
Today's Song: 마지막 춤은 나와 함께 OST(Save the last dance for me OST)
Today's Photo:

JiSung

The time suddenly arrived

We have known it for a few months.. Tiffy will be off to South Korea.

On Tuesday after work I went to Tiffy's house and had a late lunch.. we chatted, watched various clips etc..

And later we had dinner and Liz and Pernilla also stopped by~

Suddenly.. The day came!! Everything went so fast~

Thursday Jan 29!!!

After work I went home and lay down in bed and watched a movie..and just let my mind go around in circles (My work is killing me, but at least I get a nice paycheck!)

In the afternoon I went to Tiffy's house..for the last time (this year)

Liz was there and later Sally joined us~

We ate Ddeokbokki, talked, wrote a review for DBSK's Love in the ice..and also helped Tiffy packing some of her stuff~

The time kept on going and around midnight we sat in her kitchen, drinking green tea, and watched varous DBSK concerts~

At 1am I was so tired so I layed down on 3 chairs and tried to get some sleep, besides I was going to have a jobinterview in the morning~

Around 4am we started to say our goodbyes.. I couldn't believe it.. Tiffy going!!!

After she went out to the airport we (L,S and me) went to Liz place and went to bed~

Saturday Jan 31

I woke up at 10.. just to be able to call to HeeJung unni in Korea and see if she met up with Tiffany..

They had found each other!! (^^) and they seemed to get a long!!

They were walking around in Jongno area..and tried to find a phone.. I suggested them to go to Yongsan, but we'll see!

And..HeeJung unni liked her gift.. I bought her a t-shirt! (^^)

I miss my HeeJung unni and Korea..and I'm jealous that Tiff gets to spend time with her.. I want it tooooo!!! (^^;)

When I started my computer I saw that I got a email from Arum Unni, she will leave to Switzerland next week~

So I hope we will be able to meet up somewhere soon~~

I miss my Arum unni too!!!

Today's mood: Gloomy

Today's food: Kimchi jjigae

Today's song: SS501 - Bye bye

Today's photo:

Me and HeeJung Unni in Gyeongju 2008

The reason why I stopped!

I used to love it.. really I did love it!
I had so much fun and so on until one day I realized that if you want to get a head you need to well.. pay! in various ways..

You can't be pure and simple.. you have to be something! or have connections~
However you don't have to be smart or really do anything as long as others can use you!!
Some people also think that because they have a title they are better than others! HAH!! what a lie seriously you are so low.. it is beyond the 0!!
But if it makes you happy go ahead!

Say one thing.. and do another..
Believe in various things without checking it.. or telling it is someone else fault however in real it's YOURS!! you are just to afraid to say it out loud because you want people to believe that you are a nice person~
Like they say "Fool me once shame on you..Fool me twice shame one me"

So..well I don't care anymore.. I'm not like YOU who only have one thing in mind.. besides.. what are you really?!
To put effort in things in order to help you..I did it once but to do it again? NO THANKS!!
Do you want to know what you really are?? a POWER eating monster!!

Maybe you can fool many people but not me!
I don't care if you are more popular.. in the end.. you are F A K E ! !
And if you can live with it.. fine by me.. but I DO KNOW who you are and one day.. others will found out, believe it or not.

Why be a part of a "I'm so cool, I'm better than you, I have more power than you-club"
Please grow up.. and look at things with various views!
I really hope you will~ because I feel sad that you just use people.. I feel sad for everyone you use and get hurt! because they thought you were a nice person! but at least you are not that smart.. I mean you have shown you true face more than once even though you don't know it!
Too bad for you! Lucky me/us!
Also..sometimes when you have shared thoughts about people WHO you think have something to give and the people who doesn't~
Really YOU ARE STUPIED!! You look for the easy-going who says a lot of things (and sounds positive and can fix it all) but in the end doesn't do anything!
While the ones who are smart and quiet who gets things done.. them you just throw away!

You stand in front of a crowd and say how much believe and support you have given for various things, but really what you do is that YOU take credit for other people's work!
A work they have been working on day and night in order to please you.. since YOU had been against since day one! and telling them how much they suck and how it is supposed to be done if you were the one in charge! but darling THEY did the job better than you but somehow you act like a boss of everything.. even when you are a "guest" you take the charge and think you are the boss!
WHAT the heck is WRONG with YOU???
The ones who has made everything come true doesnt even gets a real thank you! they get the "Thank God you made it or I would have kicked you out"
- Does glory means so much to you??
- Making you feel important does that means so much to you?

Let me give you a small advice..See people for what they really are! I promise.. it's worth it!
+ what you are doing... it's supposed to be a interest/fun thing to SHARE with others, MANY OTHER people not an exclusive group as you treat it.. This is not a life and death thing!

Maybe you can't see my new interest and how fun it is..
and how fun it is to meet REAL people.. I mean you are living in a fantasy world so you don't see it.
People who doesnt USE other people to get what they want..
Giving people are the ones to trust.. friendship/relationships is about GIVE and TAKE

I do know people who still follow you..
and people you think are something.. but in real life and society my dear...
they are just like you NOTHING!
Maybe you have a name.. well.. congratulations..
But do not think for a sec that it gives YOU the right to treat others like you do!!
I have met people who are 10000000 times better than you~
Same name, education..status but they have something you don't have COMMON SENSE!
That makes them much richer and better than you! and that shows once again how low and disgusting you are!

I quote Heidi Klum: 1 day you are in.. the next you are out!
But being OUT it's not a bad thing.. it's actually better than being IN! and have to be around you!
However when you tell people are OUT them it to their face or an email.. and not keep shut and make people wonder!!
I think that is the worst! but well.. you are the WORST!


If I get the chance to hit you.. I will~
If I get the chance to spit you in the face.. I will~
If I get the chance to show the rest who you really are.. Show them what you really are made of!!.. I will~

Time to fix~

It's time to fix~

1. a fulltime job
2. better skin!!! (my skin is so dry!!!)

So in order to progress.. I have been sending out my CV to various places and I hope and pray that I will get an answer from someone.
But to get a job is not easy~ (_ _)

Then.. because of this cold and bad weather my skin goes ****!
It's so dry.. it amazing in some ways.. didn't know it could happen.
So today I bought loads of creams for superdry skin and I hope my skin will turn back to normal!


____________________________________

Today I got DBSK new single Bolero..
I didn't like Bolero at first (Radio rips) but the more I listen the more I LOVE it!
However 忘れないで(Wasurenaide - Don't forget) is my fave!!
Wonder how they would sound in Korean~

Also.. What am I gonna send Sayuri.. it's her B-day next month.. but at the moment I'm caught in the middle..hmm.. think think think~

Time to sleep, got to work tomorrow!


Today's mood: Tired
Today's food: Greek food
Today's song: DBSK/TVXQ/THSK - Bolero

80% lighter~

Yesterday morning I finished my last exam...
However I have to tell you that my professor started to piss me off!!
I was the last one..because I didn't want to rush, however...still when I had 1 hour and 30 min left he started walking back and forth and checking his watch every 10 sec.
IMAGINE how angry it made me..!!
I mean if it would have been only a few min. left it would have been okay.. but hello!!! 1, 5 hours!!!!!!

Anyhow I was almost done and right after I handed my exam to my teacher.. he RAN out of the classroom.. he even shut off the lights even though I was still in the room!
I know he is older and all.. but I think that was rather RUDE!!

So I'm happy I won't see him or the other professors again!!! well I need to get my exam back but well~

When I came out I felt 80% lighter in my heart!!
Can you believe it!? 80% = PAIN they have caused me.. their so called GREAT way of teaching!


In the evening I met my friend Linnea and had dinner at a Spanish Tapas restaurant...
it was so yummy!! we ate a lot.. ^^
Then we went home to her, watched tv and talked.. and I showed her my new "L O V E"~
Lee Min Ho - aka Goo Jun Pyo. She said she thought he was H O T (^^;)


__________________________________________

Today.. I slept until.. well quite late!
Then I ate lunch and went to Hanna's place... we watched the Super Junior 1st Asia Tour concert
I have to say that half of the group.. doesnt have any talent at all. but they are cute in their own ways~ Hangeng, Siwon, Ryeowook and HeeChul are my fave SuJu's!
We also saw the chinese movie Butterfly lovers (starring. SMEXY Wu Chun)~
I really liked the movie a lot.. Wu Chun was so hot.. and it was a really nice made movie..!
Hanna is a lot of fun.. she always do something fun and makes me laugh~
Like a cute little sister in a way!


Today's mood: Happy
Today's food: Tapas
Today's song: Super Junior - She's gone

Is it okay to cry?

Sorry for being so down..

but.. is it okay to cry?

I looked into the mirror but all I could see was a huge ZERO written on my forehead..

+ a small motivation for anything~

Everything just seems meaningless...

1. I hate my Korean studdies, well tomorrow they are over~

2. I hate false people.

3. I hate that it's so difficult to get a good job

4. I hate the cold weather take makes my face dry as sand!

....

X. I hate that even music can't make me happy!!!!
XX. I hate that not even my pretty boys (spec.15) can make me happy (saying fun things, sing, dramas..whatever..)

But I guess life isn't supposed to be a dance on roses everyday, but since I came home (from Korea) I have just felt down~ when it comes to my studdies.. in Korea I had so much fun while learning, it was actually fun to go to my univ.

But here.. it feels like I'm taking a trip to hell everytime~

I actually miss my Saturday Korean School lessons... and my teacher Min Jun Kyuoppa He was the best of them all~

Why did he have to go back to London..and Korea?? I wonder how much I would have progressed if I would have had him for the past 1,5 years~

WAY lot more than I have at Stockholm univ. I mean... I progressed so much in Korea and now I have been slowing down and it feels like something is eating my brain!!!!

Today's mood: MISERABLE

Today's food: Omurice

Today's song: 嵐 (Arashi) - 感謝カンゲキ雨嵐 (Kansha Kangenki Ame Arashi)

Today's photo: 3 people who makes me a bit happy~

Jung Yunho (DBSK) - Love when he dance!

Jerry Yan - Looking forward to his new drama - STARLIT

Sakurai Sho face expression.. LOVE it (^_^)

It is almost over now~

For 1,5 years.. I have been studying Korean at Stockholm University. and on Friday it comes to an end.. I think~ unless I'll have to take a re-test!

At first I thought it was a good way to learn, however as time passed by I realized how much I don't like their way of so called way of teaching.. can I call them lazy? or are they just narrow minded?

Somehow.. I don't feel like I'm progressing at all.. my own will for learning just dies and I feel that I start lacking the ability of learning~

not only korean but other things as well~

Friday = Korean grammer exam..

Hanja (chinese characters) is spinning around in my head~

and I have much to study.. FIGHTING!!

Anyway~ I have decided to put an end to it and start with something new..

+ I hope I can go to Korea this coming summer too, I really liked their way of teaching.

This week I took an exam, I passed but it was the worst grade I have ever recieved in Korean history and history as subject for that matter.. Sad? no not really.. more angry~

But that was yesterday.. and forgotten soon!

Somehow I do not really care anymore... time to put this chapter behind me and start a new one~

In 2 weeks my friend Tiff are off to S.Korea.. I envy her some days.. and not some other..

But I hope we'll spend the summer together~

and if we are lucky enough.. we can go to Japan and see DBSK.. and also to Jeju-do and teddybear museum~

Todays mood: Sick of everything

Today's food: Pasta

Today's song: 絢香(Ayaka) - 手をつなごう(Te wo tsunagou)

Today's photo: Me in Japan September 2008

At Tokyo Tower

At a temple in Kyoto

Friendship.. is a tough thing~

The thing.. called friendship..how do you define it?
The past month I have been thinking a lot about it..!

What is "a friend" and.. who am I really friends with, with a deeper relation!
Is it all about calling or talk somehow each day, every week...!?
or just by being in someones address book?

Sometimes I wonder who I can call "friends" and the ones who call "acquaintance"~

I have never been this type who have had a "bestfriend" and can only be with a few people at the time..
For me.. it has to be mutal.. it doesnt have to be a meet/talk everyday~
but to meet once in a while and when meeting we have something to talk about or just pick up where we left off last time..
I'd say it's about knowing that we know each other well enough! (no words what so ever)

ie. Last year (2008), I was in S.Korea during my b-day.. besides from my parents..who were the first to wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
It was T & L.. whom I have known..for less than a year (if we go back 2 my b-day date)
They called all the way from Sweden to my mobilephone (which ISN'T cheap!!) just to say Happy birthday and talk to me for 1,5 hours!
Then the ones who wrote emails, messages on facebook etc~
But in a way.. the ones I really believed would say happy birthday to me didn't~~ Disappointed? a bit maybe.. but.. well it's not the end of the world..!
But it made me wonder~

Anyhow.. also.. looking at some friends, they are just there, they are not looking for something in return, they are just plain nice!
HeeJung, Tiff, Liz, Sayuri are some of them~ (they have meant a lot to me during 2008!)
I hate people who only talks to me because I can give them something.. and when they got it it's good-bye~
or people I have known and who suddenly let things go to their head! and become someone I don't know and someone I don't want to know!
I'm tired of people who are back talking and think they are something more than they really are.
And think they are so cool and that their way of thinking is the only right one and that THEY are the only ones who matters and that their feelings means more than others... know what?
TRY TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
I have been taught to "try and to put others before yourself.." but sometimes that is difficult!

Let me explain:

A couple of weeks before X-mas I met a friend.. whom I had not seen for what?? 8-9 months?
We hanged out for what..45 min? Then she had to go to class.. however when we were on the underground she found out that she didnt have class.. but instead of hanging out more with me.. she choosed to go to her boy friend and play monopoly!!!!
THEN she said that I'm the one who never have time to see her etc.. She actually shouted at me on the underground and people around us just starred at me!! and I wanted to slap her but I didn't but I was PISSED!! Well EXCUSE me for studying and working...
THE THING is that I do have time to see her (and other people for that matter) and I have called so many times these passed 8-9 months and she is the one who's always saying she doesnt have time!
BUT the thing that made me more angry was the BF situation~~
I could have understood if she hadn't seen him for some time etc.. but saying she rather go to him and play MONOPOLY than to be with me for at 30 min extra and then go to his place or whatever... THAT WAS IT!!
The people who chooses their BF before their friends.. are not a friend! not to me~
You can go to your BF.. I don't care! I do hope he makes you happy! But don't bother coming to me just becuase you have some extra time over when he is not around!
((the reason why I'm saying this NOW is because we met at a X-mas party and she said hello like nothing has happened, and she was all happy etc and I just wanted to go towards another direction but I said my Hi.. and Bye!! AND she texted me today and asked if I wanted to do something.. and I don't know what to say.. because she doesnt know how I feel at all!!
To add things to this whole situation.. she has done this to another friend too.. you see.. it is NEVER her fault!! only ours!!))

AND

Yesterday I met a friend I havent seen for almost 2,5-3 months..
still when we met.. we had things to talk about.. no hard feelings etc.
Strange isn't it.. how different people can be~
And today I met a friend I have known since I was 12...
Since we have different life-styles etc today we don't meet too often, but we send texts from time to time and when we meet we have fun and things to talk about etc.
That is friendship for me~
We can talk about old days, and also share what goes around today and it feels like we meet all the time.

Also..talking about close friendship and long distance~
HeeJung.. whom I have met "twice".. the times when I have been in Korea.. that will say..
She is like the big sister I never had, she always helps out and are so NICE.. like an angel!? she has also help my friend Tiff out.. without knowing her!! (I'll quote HJ "You are my friend so that means she is my friend too") and I do know how busy HJ is with work etc.
Sayuri, we studdied together in Korea and we also met up when I went to Tokyo.. Even though we only hanged out for 3 months, it feels like I know her better than people I have known for a long time! She is also kind and fun!! I miss her very much!
Also JiSeun... we only met a few times in London(I was there for 1 month), still we talk on msn and send texts from time to time. She also introduced me to her best friend in S.Korea (while she herself was in London..).. I and her friend met up and she was really nice.

In a way.. even though we havent known each other that "long" or spent "that much" time together.. still our friendship is stronger then the ones I have with people who are close to me...

Friendship isnt supposed to make you tired and feel uncomfortable~
It's not supposed to be hard work~
It's just supposed to flow

If you want to make it difficult.. don't bother!
If you just talk to me because you want something.. don't bother!
If you are uncomfortable in any ways.. just tell me!

We might be different but look for the best..
I might not always like you or support you in everything.. but I'll still be there and I hope you will do the same for me.
If you don't like the same kind of guys, clothes, music, movies like me.. it's okay! But let me like or be me like I let you be you.
Even in my interests are boring in your eyes.. hear me out and try it, maybe not all but do not turn it down only because you don't know it!! if you don't like it.. that's fine but do not just say NO because you don't know!
I'll never force you to be something or do something you don't want to.. but I do want you to be able to try or see it with various views but still stand for your own opinion!

There are many friends who means a lot to me.. but it would take a week to write about all of you! and I hope you know who you are if not.. I'm sorry not letting you know!!


Today's mood: Confused
Today's song: SS501 - 내 머리가 나빠서(Because I'm stupied)
宇多田ヒカル(Utada Hikaru) - Come back to me
Today's photo: a light for all my wonderful and true friends~

2009 just began~

Another year ends, in this case year of 2008!
and year of 2009 begins!!

I started my last day of the year by going to the supermarket..and it was loads of people there so I tried to be as quick as possible!
Came home and started to clean and got ready!!
I also talked with Sayuri, she was already in 2009, while I was still stuck in 2008... She was in the future, a bit scary (^^)
Around 9.40 pm my bitches arrived!!! ^^
we talked, drank, ate snacks..and the it was 2009!!!!!
We watched all the fireworks from my balcony.. u could say.. the fireworks of Stockholm, not a hit but better than nothing!!!

Then we watched a korean movie..talk and then I fell asleep (work tomorrow)


JANUARY 01..
Woke up at 12pm?
made breakfast for us all.. made Rabokki... ^^ Super yummy!!
we were all a bit dead, 0r rather tired...
we talked then I had to go to work~~

Came home around 9.20.. walked all the way home, super cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ate some dinner, and watched Johnny's countdown!
Arashi were hosts this year!!! (0^___^)~~
2009 = 10th year with ARASHI
I'm so looking forward 2 this year!!


Highlights from the concert:
1. Arashi Super hit medley!!!　❤❤❤❤❤/☆☆☆☆☆
2. Takizawa Hideaki on stage!! (Tackey "flying" ^^)
3. V6 eating Ramen ^^　☆☆☆
4. HSJ performance ((山田亮介, 岡本圭人 ★★))　
5. KinKi Kids new single - 約束!! ☆☆☆☆☆
6. Koichi-kun's b-day!!!
7. Uchi Hiroki's "comeback"　☆☆☆☆
8. MatsuJun end of Love so sweet..loved his look!!
9. Small "バカ" dance with Sho-chan, Aiba-chan, Subaru.. while singing Happiness
10. Daite seniorita (Tsubasa, Inocchi, Yamapi, Akanishi, Matsujun)
11. Shuji to Akira (Okada, Nagase, Kame, Yamapi, Nino, Ryo) - Nagase were totally lost..haha ^^ Okada too in a way, and Nino's dance was a bit off! but fun to see the two RYUSEI NO KIZUNA brothers!!
11. Nagase holding MatsuJun ^^　❤❤❤
12. Ryo-chan + Matsujun, Ryo-chan + Nino ❤❤❤❤❤
13. Kanjani8's jackets.. loved the spots!!
13. はつうた　♪♪♪♪♪


What I missed:
1. Tackey & Tsubasa, they havent done anything together during 2008 besides from KoiUta...so 1 performance wouldnt have been too much to ask for.. or at least have them singning more songs... they could have done a similar performance to the one they made on Music Station in 2007!!!
2. More of KinKi Kids and V6 and Hey Say JUMP!... and Tokio (old songs)!!
3. Have all on ONE stage!! and not 3 various venues.. (_ _;)
4. last interview with KinKi.. but they were in the middle of their concert..
(_ _)

another X-mas is over

So here we are again...
another X-mas has passed us by, and how much different was it?

Well.. my X-mas already started on Dec 23.
I had X-mas dinner at Tiffany's house, I got my 2nd X-mas gift. a HELLO KITTY alarmclock..
LOL.. it's so cute and all but I know what my dad will say when he'll see it!!
After dinner we all went out to a X-mas party~
it was fun..met some friends I havent seen for ages...
And we got back at 4am something... and watched DBSK dramas.. I just love Yunho's when there were in Japan..

Woke up at 10.30 am something and just got all my stuff together and went home...
Freezing cold and still a sleep! so when I came home the only thing I did was to take off my clothes and went straight to bed.
In the evening my aunt, uncle, grandma..etc came..
we had a traditional X-mas dinner, talked..and then opened our presents!

Somehow when I think about it..I have gotten old..
I mean what I got was things I need.. such as socks, underwear..etc..
and a new mp3 (bought it in Korea^^), a stereo and a dvd box with a Taiwanese Tv-serie.
and some money...
but the best present of them all was the one from Sayuri.. I got a pair of mittens!!


Dec 25

Slept most of the day (woke up around 2.30pm) since I was up until 6 am watching a Korean drama... watched the whole series..haha!
In the afternoon however we went to my aunt and uncles place. and ate turkey..I think it was! (O__o)
talked a lot to my cousin and her boyfriend~~
and had a good evening!! and we also played some games...! and ate lots of food and cakes...etc


Dec 26.

Me, mum and dad went to Storvik, where we have our cottage,and in the evening we went to one of my uncles houses and had dinner..
and I met my other cousins.. one of them whom I havent seen for a year I think..!!
Also I have to say.. we have ZERO snow in Stockholm.. but in Storvik..we have MORE THAN ENOUGH!!! and it's freezing cold..
and I'm already sick, have been sick for 2 weeks now... kinda like last year but worse!!
GIVE ME A BREAK.... PLEASE!?

So in a way.. my X-mas this year is very similar from the one last year, except from the order, last year we started in Storvik and not Stockholm..
and I missed Kalle Anka on tv..but a part from that..the same!
Same food, same people, same traditions~~
Nothing bad about it but..well..it's always the same... (^^;)


Today's mood: feeling like throwing up!?
Today's song: all various kinds of X-mas songs
Today's food: trad. Swedish X-mas food

Better than I thought!!

I have been studying non-stop and my head is spinning!!
North and South Korean history, economy and politics...*yaay*
or maybe not...
However I'm learning a lot and some is really interesting but some are REALLY boring!!!
I have my exam on Friday.. wish me good luck!!

Then I got my results from my exam I did last week...
and I did really well..!!! I thought I was only gonna get a "Pass" but I got a REALLY nice grade!!! (^-^)
So I have to say... I did a lot better than I thought!!

Today I got my X-mas gift from Sayuri... can't wait until Dec24. when I can open it~~
Dec 23 = Christmas dinner with Tiffy and Lisan.. (^_^)


Tomorrow I have to work.. (_ _) but well.. I get some money.. then I have to study~~
My life doesnt sound too fun but.. I guess life is not always supposed to be fun!


Today's mood: snoozing
Today's food: Tonkatsu
Today's song: Dong Bang Shin Ki - non na-e norae